Lazy Sundays #3: Fox Executive!

This Lazy Sunday comes from occasional writer and film aficionado Milan.

He asked a fair amount of time back what I would do if I was a Fox executive for the day. To add the obvious comic twist I'm an executive trying to salvage Fox from their awful attempts at comic book movies.

So here's a step by step guide to what I'd end up doing as a Fox Exec:

• Curl up and cry that I'm stuck in the worst company for comic book adaptations.
• Wish I was remaking Tank Girl or some similar, actually awesome, movie.
• Cancel the Magneto movie.
• Whip Jennifer Garner and tell her never to play a ninja assassin ever again.
• Kill EVERYONE.
• Personally apologise to Alan Moore for the LXG film.
• Cry more.
• Allow Marvel to have a majority of creative control over the X-Men: First Class movie.
• Watch Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. and laugh.
• Feel better.
• Realise Fox weren't trying to make a comedy.
• Cry More.
• Announce intent to use the X-Men license for good movies.
• Follow this up by selling self and X-Men license back to Marvel for pittance.
• Make an X-Factor Investigations television program following relevant Uncanny X-Men material being used for a new trilogy of GOOD X-Men movies based around the introduction of the Uncanny X-men (First class will cover the original line-up), Days of Future Past/stuff like Beast's secondary evolution, and finally Grant Morrison's New X-Men.
• Now free from Fox's grasp, prepare all Marvel owned heroes with movies for House of M, the penultimate film in the Mutants franchise and a HUGE stepping stone in all other movies.
• Make a final X-Men movie, Decimation, which will tie in with the X-Factor Investigations tv show.
• Kill Michael Bay
• Laugh
• Die
• Return from the dead with Phoenix powers
• Turn real world into a twisted and far more hopeless version of 'Dark Phoenix Saga'
• Realise I'm not a woman and look retarded in the Phoenix costume.
• End universe

And that's that. The weekend has been kinda empty updates wise, blame that on me going to the beach too long today. Quick-Fire Reviews before the night is out, maybe the Top Five?

It doesn't matter too much you're not impatient people. Just voiceless tiny amounts of people.

Video Review Preview: Script Fragments

Okay, the first post I ever made on this blog was promising three video reviews for the period of June/July.

We're now in July.

I have largely, as one would say, fucked up.

Lessons have been learnt.

The main lesson? DON'T PROCRASTINATE! The other? Learn how to script more efficiently of course.

So as a sort of apology for something that was intended to start BEFORE the release of Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth #01 I'm allowing you all a peek at the introduction, mainly because it's outdated, but also because it gives you an idea how bloated this first review is.

HIT THE JUMP AND UNDERSTAND MY ANGUISH!

In the next few days the popular Liefeld creation Deadpool is
getting another ongoing series, giving him a total of three series
running at the same time. I'd rib on this for being a stupid idea
but when Wolverine has something approaching 8 series featuring
him and there being something like 5 Avenger books at present
so why should I care about deadpool having as few as THREE series?
So with his new series in mind this is the MERC WITH A MONTH!
A horrible pun celebrating a below-average character that has only
really stepped into his own once. Just once. With Cable & Deadpool.

First up I'm reviewing a comic so awful, so BRAIN-NUMBINGLY SHITTY
that whatever I say about it today barely surmises just how much I
want this comic to be burned en masse. I would actually get a
copy myself and destroy it but Wizard magazine informs me that
copies of the issue are currently worth FORTY FIVE DOLLARS.

FORTY. FIVE. DOLLARS.

That's like thirty quid or something over here in Blighty. You
could buy a shitload of DECENT comics that are coming out in
the present day! If anyone has actually shilled out this much
for the comic then they should bore into their head with a
heavy duty mining drill. This becomes all the more humourous
when you consider the comic is now being reprinted in Deadpool's
new series! YOU'VE WASTED FORTY FIVE DOLLARS ON A COMIC INCLUDED
IN A $3.99 RELEASE!

The idea here is that I write the main gist of what I want to say and in the recording I'll adjust it as I see fit. All the same, this introduction may seem redundant now that Deadpool's new series has already started, so the final product may differe greatly. Also I chopped off the first paragraph and the last paragraph of the intro to keep some sense of mystery to the start of the video.



BONUS: A COMPLETELY RANDOM EXCERPT!

Cannonball states "Hope you don't mind if AH get into it for my
OWN sake then..." which in the context of my delusions just makes
it sound like he wants to pilot the Rape-Bot and join in the
action, something that unsettles me deeply.

Looking at Cannonball's get-up I really wish I could come up with
a "the goggles, they do nothing" joke, but sadly nothing comes to
mind. I guess I'm just not funny enough.

Yeah I'll ATTEMPT to make stuff like this funnier or at least flow better in the final product.

There you go, hope you... read it. Or at least watch the final product.




Quick-Fire Reviews out tomorrow or tonight, Top Ten #3 and the Top Five bonus will be out before the weekend is out unless I get more retarded. Which knowing me.... Well...

Interlude: A Sketch Of Rikki Barnes To Whet My Excitement

Turns out that on June 26th ComicBookResources had a brilliant Cup 'o Joe that I managed to ignore by being one of the few fools who never checks out the column.

Well FOOL ON ME! Turns out a nice little bit of Rikki Barnes/Nomad art snuck its way in there, whetting my appetite for the upcoming lovefest that is Nomad: Girl Without A World.

I'm aware I shouldn't keep making posts about this, but we're talking the ONE release this year I'm genuinely excited about so any and all information that appears will be thrown in your faces right here at Flip The Page.

Here's The Awesome Art In Question:

Oh Fuck... That's Awesome.

Source: Cup 'o Joe Q&A

Interlude: Things I'm Looking Forward To/Dreading This Week

AH! Finally rested from a complete phone-in of updates on my part on sunday, I return with a possible new feature (and an attempt to increase hits on this relatively visitless day) wherein I talk things I actually give a shit about comics wise this week. Oh and just to make it a little more negative, things that are shit this week. For a self proclaimed miserable bastard I'm being far too optimistic nowadays.

HELP ME FEEL POPULAR BY READING THE ARTICLE!

THINGS I CARE ABOUT THIS WEEK:
- More than anything this week I'm overly enthusiastic about Marvel's decade variant covers. Honestly I started out thinking they'd all be terrible but with each that appears my heart melts and I want to hold them and never let go. Except the Ms. Marvel one. That ruined the chain.

- Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth #1. Why? Simply enough because it's directly related to those promised video reviews (I'm actually almost done scripting the first. I'm new at this shut up). Oh and because the reprint of New Mutants #098 renders the original releases collector's value MOOT! AHAHAHAHAHA OH HOW SWEET IT MUST TASTE TO KNOW THAT SOME POOR STUPID FUCK MAY HAVE ACTUALLY PAID THE FULL 45 DOLLARS FOR THE COMIC WHEN IT'S GETTING REPRINTED!

- Cable getting Paul Gulacy as the new artist. Ariel Olivetti isn't a BAD artist, just a bad artist with his run on Cable. Gulacy has flaws, at least from the one work of his I've read (Penance: Relentless) but I can excuse that because we're talking a living legend here (at least if I were to believe the man's wikipedia page. Which I do) so me dishing out any criticism of his art would be hasty at best. That and anyone who overuses bracket (like me) doesn't deserve an opinion on people above his station. Still means I can call Jeph Loeb a cunt though.

- Uncanny X-Men. Last issue reminded me why I love the main comic for the X-People so I'm understandably stoked for.... Oh, a crossover... NO I WON'T CHANGE MY MIND!

- Batman & Robin #2. As far as I'm concerned it'll be the missing half to issue 1, which felt awesome yet incomplete. Oh and I'm hoping Pyg will die horribly to make me feel good.

- Anything Green Lantern related. I'm a fan of the Corps but both are solid things for me to see anything to do with them as brilliant.

THINGS I DESPISE THIS WEEK:
- No further information on the highlight of my year; Nomad: Girl Without A World. I need more stuff on that like air.

- Captain America Reborn #1. I just don't care. I like both Caps but when I prefer both USAgent and Rikki Barnes to them it's hard to care about this massive moment in Marvel history.

- Having NO idea when The Great Unknown #3 (of 5) will appear, or even if it has already. My favourite Image mini and it seems to just not exist. Ugh.

- These special "after Watchmen what's next?" editions of comics I actually PREFER to watchmen. It degrades their own importance by essentially cashing in on how people love to buy Watchmen and anything with the words Watchmen on it. Which means that comic fans presumably have a lot of gay porn. Or porn aimed at voyeurs. It doesn't matter which.

- Being unaware of updates on the Scott Pilgrim movie. I don't know if any information is continuing to come out now that it's in production but I really wish I could find something more on it than what I know already (very little).



So yeah. Now that I've stroked my own ego why don't you small quantity of readers tell me what YOU are looking forward to or despise this week. Or don't make any comments. Like you usually do. Torment me by not acknowledging my existence.

God I hope that sounds satirical and not like I'm begging for attention.

Lazy Sundays #2: ACTUALLY LAZY SUNDAY

I'M REALLY FUCKING TIRED

The One They Call Unusual: Green Lantern Actors

THE GREEN LANTERN FILM IS COMING SOON. But who should be playing the main role?

Welcome to a shameless plug for my blog that is coming up (more details after the jump). I might periodically appear in these hallowed comic halls when something film (or television) related in the comic world appears, but for the meantime, read and enjoy my mind dribble.

(Note to y’all: I BARELY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS. Seriously. What I DO know is film and television. And some sports.)

Green Lantern, one of DCs most famous comic book heroes. With the use of his power ring, he defeats villains, be they domestic, foreign or even out of this world (in the literal sense and dimensionally speaking of course) with a great control on the physical as long as he has the willpower.

Ok, this film could have its challenges; Green Lantern is also a glorified policeman, belonging to the Green Lantern Corps (so... Green Lantern isn't even a hero name but a job title?), and at times, depending when he was written, he is defeated by the colour yellow or anything wooden. Right... they're not all that scary or life threatening.

When the Dark Knight came out (as well as Iron Man) Hollywood, specifically DC's sister company Warner Bros., came to a realisation. Warner decided after the Dark Knight, they wanted to actually make comic book films that don't have heroes with the word man in their names. So here we are, wondering when or where this film will appear and with what tone.

-2011 is the date this mother will be whipped out.

-Tone? Yeah, Dark Knight = $. Dark means to Warner = $. So, it can be dark or light (Iron Man light, not Spider-man emo angst). So we don’t even know who this is even aimed at, as the character doesn't shout out DARK as much as goofy and cocky. So it could be good, it could be bad in this respect.

This is where the casting begins. They can choose the actor, then they'll find the aim of the story and the vision. The reason this is important is that it could judge how the film is going to be and how it is going to be seen by viewers. I haven’t read the script so all we have is a date and a probable budget of $150 million, easily.

Let's get started.




Bradley Cooper as... Hal Jordan.


Should I just say it? He is one of the main attractions of The Hangover, the alcoholic comedy about a stag night gone wrong. While he is not the main star of the actual storyline, his presence means that he could well become the next thing in Hollywood: Funny Pretty Boy. Ryan Reynolds counts as well. But comedy will not be the main attraction to star in this beast; it's action packed manic goodness with comedy added in. His role in ‘He’s Not That Into You’ does not inspire hope. However, Robert Downey Jr. was an interesting choice.

Now that he is starring in the A-Team film (Ed-note: AS FACE?! HELL'S YEAH! *ahem* sorry I won't interrupt...), we cannot say if he will star in this or even be able to, but if we did it would be okay casting, not brilliant, not interesting. Why not? Well, if we look at his Filmography and his television work we find that in his roles he's the cocky guy that entertains us, much like Vince Vaughn, but action wise? Can he look kick-ass? We may never know.

Verdict (Out of Four Stars): **


Common as... John Stewart.



He at least has screen presence for a rapper. I cannot say he is a great actor or even a bad one because in his roles I find him mostly silent. He mysteriously refrains from taking on dialogue heavy roles in films so we can't determine his talent, but his presence in the role of John Stewart (sorry but I just keep on imagining Common in a biopic about Jon Stewart, it makes me laugh) could mean a fun action film is present in the role he'd take.

However, what we could find is with Common, lacking in range at present, is that comic elements will probably be absent from his skill set. While it is okay to have just action and ‘pathos’, a lot of people enjoyed Iron Man for the combination of the comic to the dramatic. Without this it might be a betrayal of the character, but then this is Hollywood and they do this for the money. The Dark Knight made a heck load with big themes and dark atmosphere, but does not mean it will work with the Green Lantern. As well as this, this is only one version of the Green Lantern, and the script supposedly uses Hal Jordan, a white guy.

You never know, but I am interested, so let’s see if he can do a bit more light-hearted stuff than Terminator Salvation.


Verdict (Out of Four Stars): ***


Chris Pine as… Hal Jordan



Well, Captain Kirk wants to set sail on another franchise (if this doesn’t die the same death as Daredevil), so they might give him this one (this is the strongest candidate). Pine proved that he can fulfil the cocky/dramatic quota to the tee, however we get into another problem (Ed-note: "Yeah we do!" AHAHAHAHA *is punched* Sorry, sorry).

With two very similar characters we might say that Pine might get into trouble with this; while Robert Downey Jr. actually could change his range to fit the mold of the character, Pine will have to contend with the fact that with these two heroes, we will have a case of the mild but deadly déjà vu (just ask Christian ‘SHOUTOUTINGRUFFVOICE’ Bale). If Pine succeeds, it will be because the public enjoy the way he acts but it will become tiresome in the near future, but heck that is what the future can worry about!

Verdict (out of Four Stars): ***1/4


Sam Rockwell as… Guy Gardner



Just look at the guy’s work. He’s brilliant. But then he isn’t a star and a bit older though. That sucks.

Verdict: ***3/4











Matthew McConaughey as… anyone but John Stewart



Well well well, he has the charm, I'll give him that but it would be a bad decision to go with the orange man (just look at that tan!). Also his charm might be good but too laid back for the role. As well as this, in Sahara (one of his action films I've seen), he fails to prove that he could actually be serious (the less we talk about the rom-coms, the better humanity will be for it)
(Picture of something horrific but funny possibly)

SQUIDS IN NEW YORK! DESTORYING YOUR MINDS AND EATING YOUR SOULS!

Verdict: *... bitch.

One more to add to the list of likely Lantern heads


Jack O’Lantern as… The Green Lantern.



Perfect for Halloween, not for much else.

No, this is the real final pick:

Nathan Fillion as… Hal Jordan.

You've seen the videos, you've seen Firefly (or at least Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place), you know he can handle action, cockiness, fanboy frenzy as well as being handsome for the ladies. You have seen the fake trailer, and it just feels right. If Sam Rockwell was younger, I would have chosen him, but Fillion is the natural choice.


Here’s the link to those of you who didn’t see it.

Verdict: ****.


You got an idea? Write them down before you explode into a furious rampage of fire in the comment box.

This is The One They Call Unusual (Milan).

MORE CHANGES!

Sick of these changes yet? ME NEITHER! This time we're welcoming someone who knows next to nothing about comics.

"Buh-whaaaa?!" I hear you cry! Well fear not strange noise making people! For what this person doesn't know about comics he certainly knows about film. He even has his own (soon to be revived) awesome film blog! So it's with great pleasure that I welcome The One They Call Unusual, MILAN!

There totally isn't a pattern in me defacing people's photos here.

Anyway, Milan will be bringing us interesting comic book movie (or movies related to comics) material, starting with a snazzy who's who of Green Lantern candidates for the (eventually) upcoming film! Expect that soon enough (he's finished it, I'm just a crappy ass editor) and look forward to his future work.


Extra news: I was going to do my Quick-Fire Reviews earlier in the week but have been sluggishly trying to do some edits to the site. Expect them tonight, save me being worse than usual.